It's the little things...

It's the little things in life that you start to miss the most once they are gone. The waking up in the middle of the night, getting bottles ready, calling the dr, shots....I have really been short fused lately, I'm not sure if it's all the stress and greiving and not really knowing what to do or think anymore. I see posts all over about "my baby kept me up all night, is teething, walking/crawling..." and all I can think is I would be more than happy to be up all night with my baby again or I wonder how many teeth Jenna would have or if she would be crawling or where she would be. I find myself pondering the "what was I supposed to do today?" all the time, I don't have an dr appts for Jenna, I don't have to drive to Riley anymore....all I find myself doing is spending time with Myla and getting things ready to go back to school.

The other little things in life to me are sunsets and my new wind chimes. I love having my patio door open so I can hear my wind chimes and think of Jenna playing and kicking her feet while giggling telling me "momma, it's ok! I'm all better up here, just remember we will see each other again some day!"  And every night, I go outside and watch the  sunset from the stairs of my apt building and think of Jenna saying "Goodnight mommy, I love you! I'll talk to you tomorrow(through the wind chimes of course! lol)." And as I am writing this with my patio door open, the wind is blowing and my chimes are going crazy, all I can think of is Jenna kicking those darn feet!!

I caught myself looking for something last night and came across her diaper bag. I haven't touched that bag or cleaned it out or anything since the day I took her into the ER. I found her onesie, pacifier, headband and all of that in there. I just can't bring myself to clean it out or do anything with it yet. Just like I really want to scrapbook all her pics because I think it will help me, I looked at stuff today at a store and couldn't bring myself to get anything because I'm just not ready to cry a river as I put it together. baby steps.....


"Twinkle twinkle tiny light, little eyes that shine so bright, a precious baby from heaven above, fills our hearts with so much Love."

I love you sweet Jenna!! Hugs and kisses, I'll see you again some day!