I'm starting to have the biggest case of baby fever....but I want MY baby!! I want to hold her, listen to her babble, cry, snore, giggle, anything. I want to just be able to pick her up whenever I want to and cuddle her and play with her and see her smile and be Jenna again.
Yesterday, Myla and I went to Brown County for some mommy n me well needed time together. I've been giving her all my coins and we came across a fountain that she threw 3 coins in and made wishes. As we were walking back to the car she looked at me and goes "Mommy, wanna know what I wished for? I wished lots of times for Jenna to be safe and happy! I really miss her mommy, can she come home and play yet?" As sweet as she is, it broke my heart because my baby will never come back home, but it makes me happy to know that she is in a better place, happy as a can be and with no tubes!!
I have been thinking a lot about what to do now with my "free time" and when it is to soon for certain things. I have decided that I will be going back to school and the qtr starts the week of Sept 12, and I'm debating on if I want to look for a part time job on the weekends that Myla is by her dad. The other thing I have decided that I want to start doing is to be there for support parents who have a long road ahead of them in the hospital, greiving the loss of a child, help with funeral planning, making a memorable slide show as well as some type of memorablia for the service, or anything else any one may need. I think by doing this, it can help them as well as myself with the process and for us to know that we are not alone.
One of the cards I received from her service had an awesome little saying and I think about it every day when I have "Jenna moments"....."Long before we're ready, we sadly say goodbye. But there are those in a far more beautiful place who are saying 'welcome home' "
I love and miss you every minute of every day my sweet Jenna, I can't wait to see you again sweet baby girl!!!
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